How to Know if You Have True Friends

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Yous may have acquired a frenemy as a result of a tight common friend group or a long history with a person yous can't seem to escape. Frenemies are the people in your life who act as though they're your friend simply do some oddly enemy-like things to you lot on more than an occasional ground. Deal with your frenemies by either deciding to let go of or maintain your friendships with them. Also, identify a frenemy by reflecting on their actions and your feelings.

1. i

   Confide in a true friend that you trust. If y'all're non sure whether or not this person is a frenemy, talk over your concerns with a friend you're absolutely certain virtually and happy effectually. This person may throw new perspective onto the situation that helps y'all to realize the value of your relationship with the frenemy.

   • Be sure who you lot're talking to won't pass your concerns back to the frenemy.

2. 2

   Play information technology safe by ending the relationship gently. A middle footing betwixt quietly leaving the toxic friendship and against your frenemy is to kindly and gently propose separating. If you're soft in your delivery and stay away from blaming your frenemy, you lot'll avoid dragging out a bad situation and carrying resentment later on on.^[1] When gently ending the relationship, try saying something like:

   • "While I care about you, I don't call up that we're bully for each other. I recall it would be good for you for usa to get our separate means."
   • "I think it would exist best for the both of us if we took a petty time autonomously."

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3. 3

   Drift away from the friendship if yous're non-confrontational. If you aren't someone who is comfortable with confrontation but you know that yous'd like to cut ties with your frenemy, lessen your involvement with them over time. This style, yous avoid the stress of a difficult conversation while still making a positive, healthy determination for yourself.^[2]

   • Become subtly less and less available until they aren't a part of your life any more. Don't ever respond to their texts right abroad and busy your schedule so that you don't accept time to meet them.

4. four

   Confront the frenemy if you want to be direct. If you're typically comfortable with facing bug head-on, talk to the frenemy outright instead of carrying this burden on your shoulders. Avert acting vulnerable or distressed; but stick to the facts and express how sure things that accept happened make you lot experience. For example:^[3]

   • "I felt actually put down when yous suggested my costume was too tight for me in forepart of our trip the light fantastic toe class. Did you really mean to exist so unkind?"
   • "It really hurt me yesterday when you said I was likewise ditzy and easily distracted to exist a good speechwriter. I know you think you lot said it in a joking and funny style simply the joke was made at my expense."

5. 5

   Expect your frenemy to be surprised or in deprival if you face up them. Being forthright most your feelings is basically calling out the frenemy and forcing them to either own up to their unkindness or deny it.

   • If they deny what you charge them of or go angry and refuse to discuss it, they most likely will non stop their hurtful behavior.
   • Retrieve that if they have an angry reaction, you're no longer interested in a friendship with them anyhow. At least the truth is out in the open and you tin begin focusing on the more than positive relationships in your life.

6. six

   Grieve and then move forward. It's okay to feel angry, deplorable, or miss your frenemy at first, but permit those feelings pass and so that you can move frontward in a positive management. This is a good fourth dimension to clarify who you lot are and what kind of friend you've been. Brainstorm the qualities you want in your friendships, and work towards beingness that kind of friend yourself.^[4]

   • No one is perfect, so you lot may act like a frenemy from fourth dimension to time too. Be honest with yourself and brand necessary changes to ensure that your relationships are healthy and strong.

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1. i

   Set and maintain your boundaries . If you want a friendship to work out with this person, then you will demand to place what behaviors y'all will and volition non tolerate. So, make these boundaries known to the person. Make sure to be honest with yourself about what your boundaries are and be directly with the person when you communicate with them.^[v]

   • For example, if you lot are not willing to tolerate mean comments from this person, then say something like, "If you make negative comments about my appearance, and then I am going to go out and we can't continue our conversation."
   • If the person violates the boundary, then make sure y'all follow through with your consequence. For example, if yous have said you volition leave if the person makes hateful comments well-nigh your appearance, and they exercise then, then get up and leave!
   • Make certain that the person knows that they take violated a boundary whatever fourth dimension that they exercise so.

2. two

   Don't gossip about your frenemy. It's best to continue the "enemy" part of your friendship to yourself. It can be actually tempting to share all of your negative thoughts with friends, but yous don't want to sink to your frenemy's level. If the goal is to keep things running smoothly, gossiping volition ruin that by stirring things up.^[six]

   • This will too continue your frenemy from getting between you and your true friends. By observing the frenemy'south trash talking as well every bit your lack of it, your true friends volition see yous more conspicuously as the trustworthy one.

3. 3

   Stay calm, cool, and collected. Do your best non to react emotionally when facing a frustrating challenge involving your frenemy. Your frenemy will near probable notice satisfaction in getting a ascension out of you, and so it's best to keep a absurd caput and human activity like goose egg's bothering you. Turning the other cheek will likewise make you appear more kind to you and your frenemy's common friends.^[7]

4. 4

   Don't let yourself be afflicted by their negativity. Counter the negative things that your frenemy says and does to keep issues from developing.

   • If yous know your frenemy e'er bails on the plans you make together, always accept a redundancy plan.
   • If your frenemy has a passionate view of religion that y'all disagree with, consider steering clear of that subject while talking to them.^[eight]
   • If your frenemy ever has to be right, inquire them a question about something they said that y'all disagree with instead of challenging them.^[nine]

5. 5

   Put yourself in your frenemy'southward shoes. It might be easier to deal with your frenemy if yous look at things from their perspective. If they find information technology then necessary to exist nasty and hateful to y'all, at that place's probably a reason for it and it may have goose egg to practise with you lot. While this doesn't justify their meanness, understanding where they're coming from may aid you accept information technology with a grain of salt.^[10]

   • Possibly your frenemy is having problems at dwelling house and doesn't know how to handle their stress in a positive way.
   • Your frenemy may act mean in an attempt to hide their own insecurities.

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1. one

   Identify a frenemy by their destructive criticism. If a person expresses disagreement with or disapproval of you lot in a way that makes you lot feel shameful and guilty, or if they call you names or attack you in some other fashion, they're likely beingness a destructively disquisitional frenemy. When a true friend disagrees with y'all or your actions, they are instead constructively critical. This usually involves offer loving communication and aid that doesn't leave you feeling judged.^[11]

   • Frenemies often mask their subversive criticism with humor.
   • A frenemy may even have something negative or disquisitional to say about your accomplishments and practiced fortune, or they might arraign you for their ain failures or misfortunes.

2. 2

   Recognize a frenemy by their lack of consideration. While a truthful friend always keeps your wants and needs in mind, a frenemy will rarely make an attempt to brand your life easier or better.

   • For example, if you've been a vegetarian for years and the person invites you and others over for a meat-heavy dinner with no culling options, and so they're likely existence purposely inconsiderate.^[12]

3. 3

   Spot a frenemy by their immediate, persistent interest in you lot. While it may not seem like information technology on the surface, a person who gives you lots of attention, tells y'all their secrets, and asks you personal questions right abroad probably doesn't take your best interest at heart. Recognize immediate obsession with you as a cherry flag.

   • Frenemies endeavour to go too close to you too presently considering they want you to feel tied to them.
   • They're probably giving you attending because they want it back for themselves.

4. 4

   Recognize a frenemy by their backhanded compliments. Frenemies are ofttimes masters at the art of backhanded compliments, which are those compliments that sound okay at get-go but plow out to be offensive. If this sounds familiar, you might have a frenemy on your hands.

   • For instance, they may say something similar: "I like it when you wash your hair; that's when it looks pretty." This is suggesting that you are ugly without your hair done.

5. 5

   Reflect on how you experience after spending time with the person. When trying to figure out if someone is your frenemy, heed to your instincts. How does existence with this person leave you feeling? Use your feelings to identify whether or not this is a healthy, positive, 18-carat human relationship.^[13]

   • If yous feel uplifted in their presence, and then they most likely aren't a frenemy.
   • If they typically go out you feeling tuckered, defensive, and unsupported, they might exist a frenemy.

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Article Summary 10

To bargain with a frenemy, remember that it'south totally up to y'all whether you desire to stay friends with them or not. If you don't, make yourself less available and don't respond to their texts correct abroad then they become the hint. If you do desire to stay friends with them, try setting boundaries and then they know what kind of behavior isn't OK with you. For case, you could tell them "If you make fun of my appearance, I'm going to exit and end our conversation." So, hold them accountable so they acquire what is and isn't acceptable. To learn how to tell if someone is a frenemy or non, scroll downward!

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